When we come into this life, we live through a culmination of experiences that affect our psyche both good and bad. Spiritual teachers will tell you that it is our souls contract when we enter into life to have these experiences for our souls healing. Today I want to write about how I see the process of the victim through my own self-guided healing.
When I think back on the experiences that I’ve had up to this point in life, I can identify the ones that changed the course of my life. Some good, some bad, some outstanding and some horrific. The culmination of those experiences formed a persona within myself of how I have responded to life moving forward. I have seen in myself and others how the negative brings out our need to protect ourself, creates misperception or avoidance tactics to summarize a few. They also at times can send us on a journey of false truths about our reality, seeking comfort in self-harming realities. Send us into a delusional state of reality and cause us to misperceive true intentions. It also allows the mirroring experiences to be played out over and over again by the same type of predators and to keep re-living tragedy. In my mind, it comes down to what we believe and feel is true. Hurtful and tragic situations can be very difficult to dig ourselves out of if we believe what the incident has taught us to be true and we keep re-living this reality by our choices and actions. Only to create a vicious cycle of victim, in my opinion.
The good experiences in my life have given me confidence and helped me to identify my true potential. They guided me to set standards that created joyful, successful and fun loving experiences and brought like-minded people into my life, my Truth Tribe. These experiences & resources are what empower me to create new experiences in my path forward to grow, succeed & be joyful in life. They can be part of the support system to bring us out of our gloom and self-destruction. Positivity brings the people into our life that we later reach out to when we need solid advise and support. The people in our lives that mirror our good experiences are our resources to reconnect and live those positive experiences with. They are the illustration we are on the right path. I like to think of this side of ourself as the healer within each of us. But I also believe, it is a healthy balanced state that must be maintained in our successes that lead to more successes. The ego loves to step in and throw me off balance at any time in my successful state. That again is when you need your truth tribe’s support of honesty and compassion, be aware of your motivation & to be in touch with the truth in your heart.
I have suffered from horrible anxiety for many years. I reached the point a couple of times, where it actually seemed better to me to be dead than alive. A shocking truth, uncomfortable to admit. Thankfully I always turned it around at that stage – it was my rock bottom with the anxiety. But the anxiety made me feel powerless & I’d live in it. I would have this feeling like something was horribly wrong, very bad news was coming. I had done something horribly wrong, I was a bad person. It was my Victim Soup I had validated in my psyche up to this point from my victim experiences. Then something would materialize that validated it and I would wonder, was I perceiving when I was anxious or was I contributing to it’s formation. I have concluded they were a combination of both. One feeding the other in a destructive cycle empowering a reality of mirroring my victim back to me. A vicious cycle within myself of helplessness and validation. I couldn’t understand how to stop it because I didn’t understand how I started the cycle. I turned to herbal and homeopathic remedies that would help relieve the anxiety and bring me back to a state of empowerment to manipulate my victim state for survival. One day I realized the anxiety always went away when I would decide to choose to change my mind and feelings toward what I wanted to think and feel and the uncontrollable anxiety would go away. Now when I start to feel the emotions of anxiety or the anxious thoughts enter my mind, I know it is a choice I have to make. To believe in it and let it consume me, or to do something to change it. Often times when in a crippled state, I crawl away from it by chanting within myself positive thoughts and creating positive feelings within myself of what I want to believe to transition it. Or daydreaming of better things or reaching out to a trusted resource (people, books, entertainment). I have to take the time at my weakest moments to push myself into positivity and empowerment to fight back against these demons. Realize I can empower positivity to defeat my victim. Feed the evil or feed the good. Transition my mirrored experiences to what I want life to reflect back to me.
Last night I went to a party and I met this lady Alice, who was struggling with her upbringing. Her mother abused her emotionally her entire life and convinced everyone she was just being dramatic when she tried to tell people what her mother was doing to her. Nobody ever believed Alice and she suffered alone. Presently in her life, her mother has dementia and refuses to admit it, is still living on her own but requires the assistance of Alice and her brother to survive. The mother has shown her true colors and is now treating the brother the same way Alice has been treated her entire life. Alice has finally been vindicated. But what stunned me in our conversation was, Alice believes she is still powerless and can not change her damanged self until her mother is deceased. This is what she chooses to believe. I see her present circumstances as a mirroring victim experience repeating itself over and over until Alice says no more. It made me sad to think that she is living her entire life a victim of her mother. Precious joyful life experiences are being wasted. In talking further with Alice, I see that she is being forced by safety issues to take an empowered position in dealing with her mother’s dementia. But she admits to poor self-esteem that affects other parts of her life she is struggling with because of the wounds she carries & believes until her mother is gone she can’t heal. After hearing her repeated powerlessness stories, I pointed out to her that “she is who she believed she is.” This later triggered inside of me in hind sight, a feeling that I was not compassionate to her and that I was a bad person. But I went back to the time I said that to her and saw that I did speak it with compassion and though she didn’t fully understand what I was saying, it affected her in a positive way. I planted a positive seed in her psyche. Thankfully I realized my trigger before I spiraled.
What a life cycle, right? All of us bouncing off each other in our daily lives. Whether good or bad. The high, highs and the low, lows. Our wounds continuing to be mirrored to us until we take control and say no more. Until we are able to trust the truth in our hearts to guide us through life. To recognize our resources to fight the demons. Reaching out to trustworthy people, our Truth Tribe for advice. Using meditation, prayer, calling on our angels to help guide us to a better way, to keep us safe & help us to see the truth in our weakest moments. Recognizing your inner wisdom, hearing & acting on it. And then much to our delight, we have an experience of enlightenment, empowerment, serendipity, a healing moment! I like to think of them as “Gifted Truths, Inspired Blossoms!” Healings and empowerment, changing the balance of our psyche to teeter on the positive side of life. Handling the next mirrored victim scenario empowered and waving it goodbye. Creating a newly healed mirrored story in our lives and choosing that path forward.
I want to close with drawing a card without any further comment from me. Just the card definition and essential meaning for you to ponder on. My question: “What is it everyone needs to hear about their victim?” I drew a card from the online deck, “The Wisdom of the Oracle” from Collette-Baron Reid.com. The card is: “The Observer.” The essential meaning is: Perspective, objectivity, neutral observation from a distance. The card goes on to say: Ever think sometimes your life is suction cupped to your face and you can’t see beyond yourself? There’s a big world out there, a multitude of potential realities that you’re unable to see at present. So you’re a little stuck? It’s time to get advice from someone you trust, someone who has a better perspective on your circumstances. Other points of view are needed now before you move forward. Take heart! A beautiful vista is waiting for you to drink it in.
Peace and Love, Susan
Resources: Collette-Baronreid.com online oracle decks, my wisdom and dreams. Www.giftedtruths.com